Biking Puns

WARNING: This blog post contains wheely horrible biking puns. Here’s our list of spoke-tacular biking puns so bad we should be put behind (handle) bars. They’re funny, hilarious, bad and sometimes downright disgusting. Can you handle ‘em? If yes, read on at your own peril. It’s all “downhill” from here. Enjoy!

Bike Puns

1. What does a mountain biker do when he wants to achieve more balance? He hires a cycleologist.
2. My cousin bought a bike and named it “The Truth”. I told him to stay away from the bike cus he kept on falling. I guess he couldn’t handle The Truth.
3. I saw a chap painting pictures of bikes on a local church roof. His name is Cycleangelo.
4. My bike started to fall apart as soon as the chain broke, you could say it was a chain reaction.
5. I illegally cut down some trees when I was out building a trail. Nobody witnessed it, but my chain saw.
6. I avoid bike trails after dark. They’re full of cycle paths.
7. What did the dirt bike say to the puddle? “Are you my mudder?”
8. On this day last year, my wife got me a stationary bike for my birthday. Well, it’s a regular bike, but it hasn’t moved in 364 days.
9. I rode my bike so much, I had to put a new set of wheels on it. I was gonna put a third set on it, but the ol’ bike just couldn’t do the job anymore. It’s understandable. The bike was already re-tired.
10. I bought an exercise bike, but I got rid of it after 2 weeks.. Didn’t seem to be getting anywhere.
11. My mate punched a driver for pulling into the bike lane. He’s a bit of a cycle-path.
12. My bike always looks at me with a sense of sexual resentment. I think it wants to ride on top for a while.
13. A maniac cut someone in half while I was on my bike today. I missed it, by my chain saw.
14. My cousin loves e-bikes because she’s really indecisive. She likes that it takes charge.
15. I used some paper to make a bike. It just doesn’t move – it’s a stationery bike.
16. Can you handle my bike jokes? Or do you need a brake?
17. What’s a military bike team called? Cycle-ops.
18. What did the person say to the biker who was taking a long time to fix his bike? Aren’t you tire-d yet?
19. My bike is mean to me. It’s a vicious cycle.
20. I used to be obsessed with my bike, going out three or four times a day. But now, I’ve managed to break the cycle.
21. My bank manager has finally given up on riding his bike. He’s lost his balance.
22. I was far quicker on my bike today than yesterday. I was in a totally different gear.
23. I was selling my bike and an interested buyer asked what’s the lowest I’d go. About 2mph I said, otherwise you’d tip over.
24. I returned my new bike to the shop and explained that the pedals weren’t working. The owner said, “That’s why it’s called a push bike.”
25. I crossed a bike with a flower and got… cycle petals.
26. A woodcutter built his own motorbike and used wood for the frame, the engine, and even the brakes. But it wooden start.
27. What’s the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle, and a poorly dressed man on a bike? A-ttire.
28. What do you call a bike trail that shows no empathy? A cycle path
29. So the cops just came to my door, they said my dog was chasing someone on a bike, I told them “that’s ridiculous, my dog doesn’t even own a bike”
30. I gave my bike a new name after it came back from the bell repair shop. It has a nice ring to it.
31. My teenage daughter was sitting idle on our spinning bike. I told her she needed to listen to less CardiB and start doing more CardiO.
32. I used to know a little boy who took his bike to bed. He didn’t want to sleep walk.
33. I nearly ran over an old lady while on my bike yesterday. You need to learn to use a bell, she said. I know how to use a bell… I just can’t ride my bike.
34. I spotted a toddler with cheese strapped to his trike. It must have been his baby bell.
35. My dog, Rover, used to chase everyone on a bike. I had to take his bike away.
36. Do you know what the hardest thing is about learning to ride a bike? The road.
37. I lycra your new bike.
38. I broke my bike today so I’ll have to fork out for a new one.
39. When my bike hurts me, I kick it back. You could say we’re in a vicious cycle.
40. Did you know Alfred Hitchcock used to be into downhill mountain biking? He was the master of suspens-ion.
41. A nostalgic mate’s bike broke the same day he f*cked up a mixtape he was making for his girlfriend. Now, he needs a new cassette.
42. I rode my bike 10 miles to safely dispose of some paper, cans, and bottles earlier. I was tired on the way back, I had to recycle.
43. My bike is absolutely disgusting these days. You should see the skidmarks.
44. I can’t stand it when my bike keeps falling over.
45. I think y’all need to get a grip.
46. Northeast English joke: If you walk to Walker and bike to Byker, what do you do at Wallsend? You fall off.
47. I yelled “COW” at a woman on a bike. She flipped me off, then hit the cow.
48. Bought a stationary bike today, but I don’t see myself getting anywhere with it.
49. Where do crazy people ride their bikes? On the psycho path.
50. An Italian man loses his hands in a bike accident. What did his parents ask the doctor? “Will my son be able to speak again?”
51. “Have you ever done anything good?” St. Peter asked a guy when he showed up at the pearly gates. “To protect a young girl, I punched the leader of a motorcycle gang, kicked his bike over, and told them all to back off!” said the man. St. Peter was impressed, “When did you do this?”. “Oh, just a couple of minutes ago.”
52. I am trying to teach my son how to put the chain back on his bike, but he still can’t seem to get it. I guess it must be sprocket science.
53. My friend got into a squabble with a driver for swerving into the bike lane. He’s a bit of a cyclepath.
54. I know a bike mechanic who is a bit scary, I guess he has always been a crank-y dude.
55. A cyclepath cut my bike in half. I missed it, but my chainsaw.
56. What does a biker do when he notices he’s on the wrong trail? He back-pedals.
57. What’s the perfect name for a sculptor who uses bike parts for his art. Cycleangelo.
58. There was a bike that caught my fancy, until I saw her skidmarks.
59. A barber won a bike race, I asked him how? He said he took a short cut.
60. What name did the chemist give to the bike he built? Bike-carbonate of Soda.
61. What do you call a bike that loves learning? A uni-cycle.
62. My bike-mad cousin dropped out of university when he realized he signed up for psychology.

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Bicycle puns

1. We found him after a while but he was completely broken. We had to schedule sessions for him with the local cycleologist.
2. I had a friend who dropped out of college because he realized there was no major called cycle-ology.
3. A friend of mine works for a company that makes bicycles. He’s their spokes-man.
4. My bike chain went rusty. Then my whole bicycle fell apart. It was a chain reaction.
5. My mate is really good on a unicycle, but very socially awkward. She can’t handle-bars.
6. What’s another name for an origami bicycle? A stationery bike.
7. Paleontologists have discovered a type of dinosaur that rode bicycles. They’ve named it the velo-ciraptor.
8. What’s a female bicycle called? Menstrual cycle
9. Don’t dump old bicycles. Re-cycle them. 

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Tire Puns

1. A man got up and checked his bike wheels, both tires were flat. It was a classic case of “air today, gone tomorrow”.
2. Why can’t the bike ever get up on time? Cause it’s two tired.
3. Had to get a kickstand for my bike. It was two tired to stand on its own.
4. Why do bikes need kickstands? They’re two tired to stand.
5. A man woke up one morning with no hair and two flat tires. It was a case of “air today, gone tomorrow”.
6. It gets more expensive to buy a tire pump with every year that passes. It’s all that inflation.
7. I left my bike beside a wall this morning and it fell over. It was two tired.
8. Congratulations on your re-tire-ment.
9. I blew a tire on my way home and had to push my bike home. It was a drag.
10. I changed my bike’s tires for the last time. It was time for re-tire-ment.
11. I want to invest in new bike tires, but I worry about deflation.
12. You can’t learn to unicycle if you’re two tired.
13. Thinking about re-tiring.
14. Two tired.

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Wheel Puns

1. I wheelie love riding my bike.
2. A female boxer let the air out of both my wheels recently. I had two puncture.
3. The bike maintenance guy suffers from narcolepsy. He gets wheelie, wheelie tired.
4. I bought a new wheel from the bike shop, but it was missing something in the middle. I called up to complain and they put me straight through to their spokes-person.
5. So your birthday has rolled around again… have a wheelie good time!
6. I crashed my bike into a wall today. It was wheelie unfortunate.
7. I had a bike with no wheels and it worked for ages. It just wasn’t tired.
8. I admit my bike puns can get wheelie tire-some.
9. There’s really only one wheel difference between a bike and a trike.
10. My bike wheels are all pumped and looking great. You could say they look spoke-tacular.

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Cycling Puns

1. My race time today was so much better than yesterday. I was in a whole different gear.
2. Why is riding a bike, jumping off, then riding a bike again good for the environment? Cause it’s re-cycling.
3. What do you call a cycling orator? A spokes-person
4. There was a massive tropical storm while I was out cycling. So, I decided to cyclone.
5. I went cycling through a flower-filled meadow yesterday. My bike looks much prettier now that I’ve got a daisy chain.
6. I cry whenever I go over my handlebars. My mates always say I need to get a grip.
7. There’s a vampire bike out here that keeps biting other cyclists. It’s a vicious cycle.
8. Whoever sold me these handlebars needs to get a grip.
9. If you ride your bike twice in one day, is that recycling?
10. I ride twice a day! I love recycling!
11. It’s all downhill from here.

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Cyclist Puns

1. The cyclist that broke the city speed limit tested positive for SPEED.
2. What’s the difference between a unicyclist and a bicyclist? A-ttire.
3. My brother went crazy when I took his last piece of candy. He’s a cycle-path.
4. I run a surgery practice for cyclists who want to remove one of their eyes. It’s called “Cycle-ops”.
5. Cycopath: someone who has strong urges for a life behind (handle) bars.
6. I like cyclists who torque the talk.

Bicycle One-liners 

1. I’m a spokes-person.
2. I wheelie love biking.
3. Just gearing up for a ride.
4. I live my life behind bars.
5. Well spoke’n.
6. Biking is gripping.
7. Get a grip!
8. Back in the saddle.
9. I’m on the chain gang.
10. Fork yeah!
11. E-bikes take charge!
12. Don’t ride upgrades, ride up grades.
13. Drop bars, not bombs.
14. Life behind bars.

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